In this week’s Torah portion we read (Deuteronomy 14:1) how Moses tells the children of Israel: ‘you are children of God your Lord. Do not mutilate yourselves, and do not make a bald patch in the middle of your head as a sign of mourning. You are a nation consecrated to God your Lord. God has chosen you from all nations on the face of the earth to be His own special nation.’
Prefacing the negative commandment with telling the children of Israel that they are the children of God and appending it by telling them that they are God’s special chosen nation is uncommon. Typically Moses would say the commandment without any preface or appendix at all.
This negative commandment is a law for mourners. While being direct is often forgiveableforgivable, when talking to people who are experiencing grief however one must be extra sensitive, especially if one has something negative to tell them. Here is an example of Moses as the pastoral leader of the Children of Israel. Knowing that this commandment would infringe upon the mourners’ freedom to express their grief in whichever way they pleased, he first had to tell them why they should listen to this commandment. He did this by telling them that they are God’s children for whom it is befitting to be beautiful and not mutilated or bald (Rashi). Moses then concluded by telling the Children of Israel how special they arethey are and therefore how privileged they are to have been given these special guidelines.
Often as a rabbi I have the task of explaining to mourners the Halachot (laws) that pertain to them.. In this I try to taketo take a cue from the sensitivity and respect that Moses showed towards mourners, . Realizing the importanceof being aware of their need to express their grief in the way that is most personal to them. This extra respect and sensitivity is necessary for all people who are experiencing hurt. When we have occasion to give them counsel it should be done in a way that recognizes and understands their very real need to show and express their hurt and upset.